okay, staying online has helped calmed me down from the previous post, cause talking to my friends made me realise so many of my darlings have always been there for me. so i'm deleting that post and instead of fussing and getting upset, i'm going to re-channel that energy to loving these guys more.

and i don't want to put a msn nick too depressing cause when i do, people come asking if i'm alright. their concern makes me feel so loved but at the same time, i feel guilty for making them worry but not telling them the problem cause it's too long a story and it's too difficult for me to explain myself.

i'm still a little confused so i think i'll just take one step at a time and see how things go.

but i still love all my friends, even though we might have made each other sad some time or another through our friendship.

smile, daphne. (: and do smile more too, my friends. (stef especially! you've been sounding real sad in your posts but do know old friends aren't for nothing and i'm always here alright?)

but still. the irony of it all.

tan rui teck insisted that i blog even though i just did like three hours ago. SO. in the past three hours,
+ i talked to him on the phone
+ i played minesweeper with jiekai online
+ i ate a donut

wah piang, like that also happy! eh now you'd better tag my board i tell you. and you good la, doubt my soccer skills! >:O

sports carnival

hanyang: i hope you didn't include 'disgustion' in your gp essay, and if you did, i really hope you didn't credit me!

poo: omg i miss you so so SO much! haven't hung out properly with you in such a long time, didn't talk to you much on dance night. ): let's meet up someday, even if it's just to study!

we had eclub exco hustings on wednesday so i didn't get the chance to go support bird at soccer finals. ): sorry bird, i love you k! hope you enjoyed the chocolate anyway.

SPORTS CARNIVAL began on wednesday! stayed back in school til around 9.45pm to run for eclub's share of 290 rounds, and i was the only girl okay! so i felt really bad cause we could otherwise have clocked an even faster timing. ): well at least we saved a minute for them! hugeeee THANKYOU to jiekai who joined the run to accompany me, ran with me throughout while the year ones ran ahead and i lagged behind, and waited for the bus with me after that. thanks man brother! owe you one, ya. and aiyah wasted we didn't manage our midnight movie or supper. joan, one day we'll all go for midnight movie okay! cannot pangseh ar! and marcius ran the whole six rounds with us! oh yeah, big thanks to ben too, who ran two rounds with me (though you promised to run all SIX! ): but yah lah i know you guys were tired.) and ruide, alvin, biyi, rachel for running the last round with us! you realise that there were suddenly so many people running for eclub. :D

thursday wasn't too bad. formed a soccer team with vonn, tong, yiling and ruijing and we WON 1-0! woohoo. :D left school with tong the intention of supporting the badminton match against rj, and we were already on the bus waiting for others to board when we decided not to go after all. (pardon our fickleness) so we alighted and went for lunch at bedok's ljs. we had a good long talk and i felt SO glad to be able to let out whatever was bottling up inside me. TONG i'm so glad we heard each other out, and that you understood everything with no misunderstandings whatsoever. love! <3

friday was a whole load of fun, especially FOOSBALL. our team was a combined effort of 0605, comprising of vonn, qiutong, val, jiayi, marc, ced, don and i. we were a rojak team (of various houses, i mean) playing for beta house, and we won the first match! but we lost on the second match, and it was sad i didn't get to see it cause i was at eclub exco interviews. ): anyway thank you all for the fun! we lost at soccer finals won second place at street soccer (see yiling, optimism!) but it was a waste cause it was sooo close, we only lost at the last penalty! didn't go for ziyu's strings concert cause we were too tired, and i'm real guilty about that. very very sorry, babe. :\ stayed back to collect our soccer trophies and prize hamper, watched the fashion parade of sports pdp jerseys and watched the video at the end of it all.

CONGRATS to ruide, biyi, alvin, ben and the rest of the sports carnival committee on the success of this event! i know it was really hard work, seeing how stressed out and tired you all were. so do catch up on lost sleep and studies, and may the smiles come back again (they diminished significantly as sports carn got nearer!). (: oh and sportle (AHEM, AHEM.), you were GREAT. :D

went shopping (!!) with my mom yesterday. great singapore sale, you know. but didn't get much, only a top from esprit. and that was after we walked for SIX hours! this is wrong. it's a sale, i should buy more! anyway sorry chel and dennet, i really want to meet up with you all but i couldn't abandon my mom! ):

my throat is sore. *cough. it's either cause i shouted too much during sports carnival, i ate too much fried food during the carnival ("you eat so much fried food.. your face how?!", says don. haha!) or i caught it from someone. anyhow, what a time to get a bad throat - at the start of the hols!

my sis is going to korea tomorrow. oh, that lucky pig. ):

i'm glad to say i managed to plough through it not with irritation or sadness; i was more amused than anything at the end of it all. i guess i realised that this friendship won't be ruined that easily, and that has made all the difference. i just hope my realisation is right.

hols are here! i want to meet up with people. and i really don't know how i can finish one-and-a-half years worth of econs stuff in a month, let alone tackle physics, math and fmath. oh at least i'm glad math isn't too bad a subject to study for and it makes up half of my subject combination. hooray! (:

hamper-wrapping experts, we are

joan: yeah i don't know if i've said this but thanks for always talking and listening to me! i would have burst if i didn't have you to rant to. I LOVE YOU BABE.

tyunn: helloooo sotong. how's life under the sea. :D and psst, i actually miss hearing you sing in class!

clara: no mommy, i haven't gotten your card. I AM SAD. did they lose it along the way! :*(

stef: okay, okay. *announces: stef's hair is almost the same length as mine! :D

zhunwei: uncle i'm not anorexic! and i eat a lot of junk already okay. anyway i haven't seen/spoken to you in the longest time ever! saddd.

today's pe was really slack, cause 0605 and 0805 (ruide's and biyi's classes) were asked to set up reporting booths for sports carnival. didn't mind it at all, had a lot of fun with jiayi as usual! i love my auntie, pe's so much more fun with her around. :D

the past weekend has been tiring but yet, hohoho, quite a whole load of fun i would say! went prize-shopping with biyi on saturday at marine parade. we took so long to find baskets to contain the prizes that we almost gave up and went to ikea to try our luck. but phew, we managed to order some from a shop in the end (cause they didn't have enough stock on hand).

shopping at ntuc was unforgettable, cause we had two trolleys FULL of junk food. people walked past and just STARED, i tell you. i absolutely love the kids' milo packets! they're uber cute. and vitasoy comes in that small packaging too! after that we had to cab to bee's house cause we simply couldn't carry all that stuff, and soon after we left. didn't want to go dinner with bee's family cause i'm too shy (HAHA!) and really, it'll be quite off! so decided to go home first and have dinner with ruide after that.

when we reached marine parade it was already 8+ so we had to rush and go get whatever we lacked. collected the baskets we ordered that afternoon, which ruide just refused to let me help carry and so there he was, a sick old man with a stomachache, carrying thirteen baskets. it looked as if i was ill-treating him. -.- rushed around some more and bee finally came to meet us. rented some vcds for entertainment later on and ruide and i finally had dinner at - wah piang - 10+PM.

and through the night we just wrapped and wrapped hampers. attempted to watch munich (which i remember i really wanted to watch when it was showing in cinemas!) while wrapping but we simply couldn't concentrate so in the end we watched coyote ugly (a brainless, don't-have-to-think show :D ). we were all deadbeat when we finally finished around 3am!

slept for around two hours and left bee's house at around 8am. i reached home at 9am and i slept all the way til 3pm. oink. (:

no matter, my dearest friends i'm glad i can be of some help, especially at this time when you guys are so busy with preparations! and i have to admit it wasn't too bad; quite enjoyable in fact. (step step thaipusam! HAHAHA!) and especially satisfying when we were done and there were all the hampers done, made from scratch. i would do it again. (: do let me know again if i can be of help in any way, yeah. <3

and if you win a hamper at sports carnival, do appreciate the work that's gone into it before you rip the wrapper off!

the da vinci code

went to catch the da vinci code with stef and chel today, my long-awaited movie! we managed to meet up twice in a week! and this just happened with my sec four friends a few weeks ago too. wow, this has been a miraculous month, man.

we watched it at THE CATHAY and we got the big cinema, which was nice and, er, big. apparently it can seat SIX HUNDRED people okay, though it really doesn't seem like it. and though we were not that far from the screen, we didn't have to strain our necks or anything. (: movie was quite nice; doesn't disappoint, but doesn't exceed expectations either. but i liked it, and i don't regret watching it at all. (:

after the movie we went to ben & jerry's and shared a banana split of phish food, dublin mudslide, this oatmeal flavour and toppings of hot chocolate fudge and m&ms. MM. i can understand why phish food's chel's favourite ice cream. it is absolutely yummy and i love the chocolate bits in the ice cream cause they taste like dark chocolate! what's more, they come in the shape of FISH, complete with an eye, mouth and scales. how cute is that! irresistable! and after dessert we went for dinner at ps pastamania, though yes we know that's in the wrong order. we turn into ultimate pigs when we gather. i always end up eating more than i usually do!

after two failed attempts of proposing to stef with pasta, she finally agreed to marry me when i proposed to her with a penne. [she refused a fusilli and a linguine.] sorry that was quite random.

so yeah, i become happy and contented when i hang out with two of my loves. <3

chel, me and stef on saturday (:

and my dears, why you all keep saying i'm anorexic. hahahaha if i were i'd be a case of a failed attempt okay.

oh cabbed down with fac after contact time on wednesday to support basketball. the exco had to go, and i didn't succeed in hinting to mrs raj if i could leave early. sigh. anyway GUYS WON WOOHOO! so they're third! i'm so happy for them at least they won their last match! and for them, i've cabbed down a total of FOUR times this season to watch their competitions. ardent supporter hahaha. after that we rushed down to volleyball finals and for that one i'm sad to say we lost. ): it was so close and yet.. sigh. and on thursday our netball won rj so we got third for that too! :D

i'm really touched cause the past two nights my msn nick sounded quite low and many people expressed concern, even people i haven't spoken to in quite a while. seriously, i didn't know people even took note of nicks. i'll be alright, thanks a lot everyone. i appreciate it A LOT. really. and i love you all! <3

ooh just arranged to meet biyi tomorrow to help her prepare hampers for sports carnival. (: at least there's something for me to do tomorrow!

insufficient memory X)

saturday was a good day because i met up with stef and chel for dinner! pepperlunch woohoo. from our little convo over dinner we realised that stef is highly out-of-touch with rj sports competitions. and though i was bursting already those two pigs forced me to get a donut with them. it was yummy, but ah, even if it's good food, you do not derive maximum satisfaction from eating it when you're full, says stef. (: we just hung around at kinokuniya and gushed/laughed over cute japanese stationary. OMG i am super tempted to get the miniature version of my pencil cause it's super cute nice and it isn't more expensive than normal pencils. then again, i don't need a new pencil. hm. it was so much fun laughing over notebooks with rabbit-cum-pig-looking-cats and confused penguins. at least the sheep looked normal, but instead of 'sheep', it was labelled as 'wool' instead. wonderful. (: in the end stef bought a black 'insufficient memory' notebook [NICE.] and a sheep one. and chel was totally going crazy over this series of books with nice covers but the main point is she was really really mad! do ask stef. i haven't seen her gushing over books in this way before hahaha. when you have enjoyable company, anywhere can be a good place to hang out, even a bookstore. :D i hereby proclaim I LOVE STEF AND CHEL. <3

went to support basketball yesterday and i'm sad cause they lost. ): could tell that they were all so disappointed, and it's quite low, especially when i know so many of them. msged the guys and don was saying something about sorry for disappointing us. brother, we aren't disappointed cause we know you all tried your best! sad about it, yeah, but not disappointed with your team at all, okay. so they'll play vjc for 3rd/4th placing tomorrow. still don't know if we're going to support, cause there's volleyball finals too. no matter, just go for it guys! we're behind you all man.

bused home with yandeng and his friend today and took a really long route! first we took 229, then 25 to hougang and then 80. o_O because that guy is basking in the fact that he has so much time now that there isn't CO anymore. hahaha kidding lah brother! we are goondus cause it suddenly rained heavily just as we got off 25, so we had to share an umbrella as we walked to the 80 bus stop and then when we reached the bus stop it stopped raining. HELLO! treating us as fools is it! but yeah it was a nice long talk man, friend!

bit by bit, i realised i'm getting less affected. i won't waste the energy to bother anymore; it isn't worth it. it's a pity, but there's almost nothing i can do anymore. i'm tired of the hypocrisy involved, how everything's changed with the blink of an eye, how hard i've tried to revert things back. and suddenly i don't know if the trust's still there. it's sad, yes, but what more can i do, especially if you seem to prefer it this way? i don't know what to do already.

sometimes i feel so.. taken advantage of. recently, i've been wondering why everything seems to be so different these days. some days i feel excluded. unimportant. unwanted. as if deep down people actually wished i weren't there, and that i am actually of little significance. it feels like i've been giving and giving and all i get in return are half-hearted friendships. why has the situation taken such a turn. i want to give up and just heck care but i'm afraid.

at times like these, i really really wish i could turn time backwards; not too far back, just a few months would be sufficient. wouldn't complain if it were a few years, though.

gosh, i sound like i'm sinking into depression.

MY birkenstocks (:

joan: stop being modest okay, your house is HUGE!

rj dance night was GOOOOD. :D the songs were so catchy and the dances were really nice! enjoyed it throughly. getting flowers were a big headache, cause the florist at suntec didn't have nice flowers, the one at raffles city was PACKED with a huge crowd outside (and people coming out were saying there weren't any flowers left) and so we got balloons in the end. we were almost late! so we were running across the road with white plastic bags containing the helium balloons. unglam factor up to the max, i tell you. the best part was the people, of course. went for it together with joan, yogi, tyunn, sharon and shiyun. when i first met joan at city hall mrt, i got a shock because:

similar outfits omg.

and then we went to meet yogi and sotong and they were both wearing dark grey. oh gosh. but that's not the worst part. after that, sharon and shiyun came to meet us and:

notice how four of us are in the same colour?!

what are the chances, especially considering that such a bright turquoise isn't that common a colour. aha, that's telepathy for you.

i finally got to meet many others, like gaiatri, zhunianpoo, joy, adeline, evie, matthew, bryan, sien, david, yvonnechan, xiuwen, etc. and of course, DENNET, the main reason we all went. (: and while i was watching the performance i realised that i had momentarily forgotten all my troubles and i remember wishing that the performance wouldn't end so that i could just continue sitting there with my dearests.

went to support the guys basketball on monday, and they lost. ): SAD! i was practically giving ced a Basketball SMS Live Update (adopted from bee's netball version) every three minutes. brother see lah spent so many smses on you. anyway BROTHERS all is not over yet! still in semis, man. MUST BEAT AJ ON MONDAY, OKAY. we'll be watching. and then you all can go to the finals and happily become champs again!

and bee, congrats on netball winning time and again! SEMIS, whoa. come on mannn.

ponned mass civics on wednesday and then heard the teacher was quite pissed cause only 12 people from 06 turned up, and it was really obvious cause they only allocated two classes to be in LT4. oops. there wasn't time to go back anyway - we were happily lunching at bedok's kfc. so anyway attendance was taken and i guess we'll all get screwed sometime next week. shucks.

just collected my birkenstocks from the post office this morning!

ah, love the stripes.

by request of my dearest sis,

THIS IS HERS. HAH!

and this is my mom's.

yeah, we're a weird family who take photos of our birkenstocks. heehee. anyway theirs aren't new so i don't know why my sis wants hers up here. okay she's looking over my shoulder. shh.

underneath the surface, we know it's not exactly the same anymore.

and it was like before

met up with zhiyipoo last friday! i'm glad i did, haven't seen her in such a long time! got the chance to catch up on each other's lives. (: after that met vonn val tong to go for tj's guitar concert, specially to support junqi and the guest-starring ziyu. hope you all liked the flowers, babes!

joan's housewarming was last sunday! her house is so big my house pales in comparison; hers is like a castle, mine's like a hole. okay that was rubbish. but it really is big! anyway the main part is i got to meet up with dennet tyunn yogi shiyun, people i so absolutely love to bits. we just talked and laughed like we did in rgs and i really enjoyed it. some things never change. (: gosh, i miss those days. i think her other friends thought we were mad or something. teehee. and hope you liked the pink and heart-shaped rug, joan!

WOOHOO as of yesterday the guys basketball team has qualified for semi's already! omg so happy for them. :D and i really want to go support but no one's free to go, and i definitely won't go alone so.. ah, sad. monday against hci, go for it guys! after that, it'll be just two matches from being the CHAMPS again. :D and ruide, the pink smiley works right! HAH. distract opponent hahaha. don, you're doing damn well as captain. (:

everytime things smoothen out, a hiccup will pop out of nowhere and destroy everything. it's so irritatingly confusing. at least it's getting better, i think. i hope. ARGGGG.

going for rj dance night at victoria concert hall tonight. which means i'll get to meet up with 404ers i'm going with and hopefully meet more people too. it's a record; i'll be seeing yogi tyunn dennet and shiyun twice in a week! we haven't had such a chance in ages.